I gazed through the misty smoke of that cup of coffee in front of me, I never really liked coffee nor had it regularly, but for some reason I needed its smell to breathe life in my mind.
I felt his presence across me, I didn’t know if I should freak out or feel surprised or not care at all, I felt his eyes gazing back at me, i didn’t feel weird as if him being there is something ordinary, silence grown waiting to be broken.
My heart’s beats seemed uneven, a certain feeling filled my chest screaming to get out, still i kept holding the pen, sometimes playing with it in my fingers, but never really dared to interrupt the whiteness of the paper lying in front of me.
With a smile of the side of his mouth he began
” Isn’t time for you to admit you were wrong?? ”
I left my eyes to look at him, for some reason it felt as if i am looking at a friend’s face that I knew very well. He added
” I already know how you feel, I know because I feel the same too”
I was lost again and gazed in what remained of the smoke above my coffee, lost in my own thoughts and the feeling lurking inside me.
For so long I searched for that missing piece, for so long I’ve fought this feeling to attach, to make someone my reason..
“and every time I do, I fall more” he continued without looking at me
“every time I think I found what I was looking for, what I lack to be happy and complete, that I found something..someone that it will stand aginst time itself”
And as if I wasn’t interrupted i continued
“and every time I fail”.
For a moment there was only silence, the feeling was raging inside me, I couldn’t figure if it was guilt that i am feeling, or is it anger of a feeling I resisted so much, why I..
“am feeling this? why I need someone to relate to? why i can’t learn to stop?? why i don’t understand” he said
“It’s not you fault, it’s just…not possible”
I thought I saw him smiling, i didn’t know what to say, but maybe I felt a bit easier that I got something of how i feel out, the pen remained in my hand – I discovered – all that time.
He looked to me again and said
“People and there feelings are like everything else, they will not stop by you forever, you too should move on”
With all what I feel inside, with a feeling of utter loneliness taking over me, but the weird thing that I didn’t mind it to take over, in that moment a lot faces came by my eyes, faces and feelings I thought they would last, but like everything else they didn’t stop by me for too long and moved on, maybe in the end it was my fault that I thought for a second that they will stay just for me.
I was still not sure what to write, but my pen found its way to the paper to write the first few words..about some foolish dream of mine.