Rewind : To the sea

I do stand before you
Before your blue waves
To tell you
How it just feels
I still remember her words
Every single breathe
I see the world through her eyes
Her favorite color covers this earth

If she ever walked on your shore
If her steps ever touched your sand
Keep the marks for me
To take it..To Breathe it..To add it to the memories

She is the color of life
She is the star at night
She is the pain I die in

In her smile I drown
In her eyes I live
In time I will forget
But In My Heart

The memory will be there

A pretty fresh piece of my own life : Failure edition

It seems only fair that If i wanted to talk about happiness that I would talk at some point about one really other basic fact of life, about failure I shall talk.

I was planning to talk about this particular subject at some point along the road, but the events that happened recently to me makes it the perfect time to talk about failures in life, not from the wise a** point view I keep telling you I will try to get away from, but from the heart of a personal experience.

For you who doesn’t know, I had faced a major set back in work, in other words I left work, the details don’t really matter right now, but what matters that for me this is the first concrete real failure to face in my life, for sure it’s far away from “got 25 from 30 fee emta7n el shr fee el 3rby” kind of failures I had back in school, it’s a failure that has dimensions and for now sets starring to me in the face, I know some of you who know the details would protest on calling it a failure, but please bare with me.

The first thing  that comes to my mind is what I life to call “el wld da shater” syndrome, as long as I remember I was always chased with this phrase, “mohamed da shater awy” from most people around me, it seems that the glasses with the fact that I was a bit shy and had a hair cut from the 1930 when I was much younger contributed to the image of “el wld el shater” image, somehow it put this invisible assumption that I shall succeed in anything I put my nose in, in school mainly, and that a very bright future as the president of Venezuela awaits me for sure, and somehow this assumptions was built inside my mind creating this fear from the first failure that shall crash it to pieces.

In a way we do have a bit of this assumptions built in our minds, it’s there to protect our assuptions about our self and our abilities, althoug of its all good intentions, in most cases it makes us forget that it’s a fact that someway sometime will be faced by some kind of failure, but we tend not think about it,but actually we are afraid how this failure may crush the comforting assumptions we make about ourselves and how will just succeed and only others will fail.

If you reviewed the stories of any successful icon in the history of humanity you shall see a pretty common idea, they failed someway or another, and I bet you hear it all the time that “you should learn from your mistakes” that it seems cheesy, but the truth the the skill of accepting failure as part of your own process to learn and advance is something not as easy as you may think, and I had experienced it first hand.

You can imagine the number of negative ideas that surrounded me as a result of this incident, especially as it’s my first experience working in the field I think I love and hope to succeed in, and you can imagine “el wld da shater” problem surfacing with ideas like “but I thought I would succeed ” and “why me” and all that stuff, it’s not easy to manage all this negative ideas as they attack on the same time, but the pretty cool thing about failure is the same thing we fear actually, it destroys the imaginary protective field we build around us to protect out self esteem and our own ideas about ourselves, so actually it frees us from the pressure and allow us to enjoy the experience rather to drown in  negative thoughts, because of this fear we miss a lot of chances to experience life as we should because of ” What if I failed..What if I didn’t do it right ?? ”

After the initial shock, i began to realize what happened in its true size, an experience needed to set things right for me,away from “el wld da shtoor MSA” It was important for me to see things as it is, to see the cons and pros of what happened, learn from it and get over with and continue for another experience and I won’t say searching for success, but for another experience as this is was makes our lives really, every experience bring us a little bit more to what our lives are really about, and thus is why it’s crucial for us to fail, because as long we are not dead yet we are just a step closer to succeed.

In the end I discovered something really important, the amazing unexpected support from all my dear friends in work and outside it really made me speechless, yes maybe I failed in my first shot in work, but I made more than just co-workers, I made friends who was there for me without even asking..that’s a experience I am happy I had.

It’s never a failure, it’s just another step