About that B-Day 2006 folder

I was going through my mail when it cought my eyes a folder I had titled “B-Day 2006”, I opened it although I know exactly what was in it, I opened it because that why I kept it in the first place.

In it I saved 3 mails that were sent to me on my 20th birthday, the different thing about them that they were not just links to e-cards,they were actual words written for me, real warm wishes for me full of “3o2bal 100000 sana” and “sana 7lwa ya gamil”.

When I did open it, I remembered exactly why I saved it in the first place, when I first read them,no..sorry when I first got them for the first time, I really didn’t cared even if they were empty, the sole prospect of someone sitting down and writing  happy birthday wishes with own words rather than just sending another e-card which would be completely perfect just…filled my heart with joy.

Back then maybe I supposed that I want to keep this joy by saving those mails,as If I am saving a proof that my friend x and friend y and friend z cared for me once that they did send me a birthday mail with their own words !!!

As much as this idea seems to me childish now, I couldn’t fight the little jumps of  joy in my chest  reading those words again,the little child in me that felt such a  special a person back then woke again and made his little joy dance, yes those words were for me, from people I really love and it was especially for me, not just another e-card but especially for me!!!!!!!!!!!

As much it felt  good, I found my self deleting the whole folder with all the mails in it,without even looking back, as if this was I was intending to do when I opened it that day,but I just wanted to take a last look at it before it goes for good.

As much it felt good, it was just a moment in the past, yes maybe a special one, but it wasn’t enought for me anymore, I already lost alot living on past moments and I didn’t want to do that again.

Maybe it was the unspeakable fear that those who cared for  me then don’t feel the same way anymore,maybe deep inside I didn’t want a day to come where I look  at those mails wondering “what happened..do they still care for me or when did I lose them down the road??”

I guess the most important thing that I wanted to do is to stop , just smile about a moment in the past, but  look to the future because that what I really have.

But for the b-day 2006 folder, your probably don’t remember the mails you sent my friends, but just a one last note, you made the heck of my day then 🙂

2 thoughts on “About that B-Day 2006 folder

  1. hmmm mesh 3aref el sara7a … can’t say i agree with u did –deleting the old good memories- … however i understand how u felt at the time … so guess all i can say is again 4get wat others may think or say … and just do whatever makes u feel happier and at ease … for at the end of the day of the journey no else matters 🙂

  2. i know this feeling well, when ur trying to tell yourself that this now means nothing to you.. it may be a way of releasing stress from a specific issue convincing yourself it is now worthless..
    But my advice, do not delete anything of your past, let all things remind you with a lesson, a favor, a smile, even a tear or a pain you overcome……..
    I read some words I really like, hope you like it :))

    خذ العبرة من الماضي ولا تندم على مافات
    ترى مافات مات وضحكة المجروح مرغوبة
    وعش يومك ليومك و اترك الاحزان والاهات
    ترى ماجاك قدر لك ولـك يا فـلان مكتوبـة
    وكن راضي ولاتسمح لعينك تسكب الدمعات
    وادع الرب يفرجها ترى الدعوات مطلوبـة

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