I don’t know what made me sit down and watch him eagerly, as If I am watching an amusing creature I never seen before, but I sat down and concentrated on him as If I want to understand every detail he is.
It’s weird really, although I know him pretty well, It was If I was seeing him for the first time, as If I am seeing a complete stranger , he was sitting there not aware that I am there watching him.
Because of the connection between us I could see his thoughts, and see his dreams, I could see him searching for a path he thought he could take, he thought he knew he can go to the end.
I’ve seen a face, a face he fell in love so much in a way he never knew it’s possible, although he knew this love would never be for him, he kept writing and writing about how his heart beats just for her, about how his soul just rise with her smile, In the end..he left her a letter so he can keep the memory of her love, a letter titled..for you
I could see how the world seemed strange for him, how people seemed drowning in their little materialized needs, going through life without trying to see a cause for their existence or think of what they can do to leave their trace in this life.
He thought he knew more, he thought he had the wisdom to be diffrent, and the ability to make the difference and make his life something valuable.
I could see all this and more, I could know how he feels and how thinks, and I felt petty for him, because I knew the future of these dreams.
I knew how the path he thought he was searching for and found, he failed to walk the way beyond the first few steps, the path he thought will find in peace and happiness, he walked in and collapsed with confusion and sadness, is it him or did he walked the wrong way he don’t know.
He thought he knew, he thought he lived a life that would be better, that would have the cause and leave the trace, but all he found that everybody lived but him, that he found failure but was so afraid to see it although it was there, was so afraid to see, how unhappy he become to be.
He thought that it’s about relating to the dear people, giving everything for them, help them to be happy and show understanding to their sufferings and share their joys, but in the end everybody continued and he lost the most important person..himself.
I kept watching him as he completely was lost in his dreams and thoughts, I looked really close in his face, although I recognized it, but I didn’t know it anymore, I stood up and went the opposite way, I felt sympathy for him, but was determined never to go back there ever again, though we are used to be the same, but for me all I can have for him is sympathy, but I must leave him and never look back again.
It’s weired how everytime I come back to write here, it’s a new person who writes, and everytime I think that this person is the one who will continue, but again I go back and someone new comes.
This time I won’t make the same mistake, this time I won’t pretend to find any path or answers, I won’t pretend that I understand or have the truth, I won’t make this mistake again.
Here I am back, but this time it’s diffrent for me, I don’t pretend to know is it for the better ot the worse, but for sure it’s diffrent, looking back to all what were wrote here, all I can do is to walk the opposite way and don’t look back again, because from now it’s all new pieces of what I hope to be a new life.